Reimagining Personal Power and Sustainability in International Development and Social Change

Personal power: the key to helping others. 

A tragic irony exists in the worlds of international development and social change. 

Those who give so much of themselves to support, empower, and shelter others. We’re often the last to take care of ourselves. We push through personal struggles for the greater good, giving and giving until there’s nothing left. 

Along the way, we lose our personal power. We hand it over to those around us. This can feel like a labor of love, sacrificing in the name of a good cause. But I’ve found a different narrative through years of struggle. A narrative about personal power.

Today, I’d like to look at the ways this tragic irony is robbing international development and social change of its most powerful resource: you. Plus how in turn this negatively impacts those you are trying to help. Then, I’ll offer some helpful ways to regain your personal power. 

Let’s dive in.

Selfish vs. Self Care

Selfish

When I meet with clients, or talk with friends in international development and social change, this sentiment shows up over and over. With so much going on in the world, how can I take a break? How can I prioritize myself over others?

This idea resonates with me. It’s one I held to for many years. It’s also an idea that cost me much–my voice, my energy, my health, and my impact. And it’s costing others in international development and social change just as much.

You see, there’s a difference between being selfish and taking care of yourself. But in the face of global suffering and the hectic pace of everyday life, it’s easy to conflate the two. It’s easy to look at acts of self care and see them as inherently selfish. 

So, let’s consider a simple definition: 

• Selfish. Filling your cup so you have more to drink. 

• Self Care. Filling your cup so you have more to share with others. 

Notice, the result is the same: a filled cup. Maybe this is why it’s so easy for us to confuse the two. To see selfish acts in league with self care acts. 

But there’s a critical difference that sets these two apart. Motivation.

And motivation matters. 

You might be thinking . . .

Okay, so I’m a little tired. A little stressed. A little burnt out. But there are people starving all over the world. Plagued with conflicts and natural disasters. Suffering beyond belief. A little exhaustion pales in comparison to their struggles.

And it’s hard to argue with this framing. In the face of all the pain of the world, how could any caring person invest inwardly? How could anyone be so selfish?

But I’ll challenge you to revisit our definitions of selfish and self care.

Selfish. The selfish individual fills their cup so they can drink. Weigh this against the pain of the world, and the action looks unforgivable. You’re benefiting while so many around you suffer. 

Self Care. The self care individual fills their cup so they can share with others. Through this lens, their personal investment becomes an investment in those around them. It becomes a way to amplify their impact in the world. 

See the difference?

What is a lack of personal power costing you?

When we abandon self care, we abandon our personal power and the cost compounds. 

Exhaustion, stress, and burnout. These are the surface level costs so many in international development and social change pay on a daily basis. But dig a layer deeper, and you’ll find a host of more insidious costs robbing you of your impact. 

Mindset barriers - Signs of disempowerment. 

These are mental hangups, often surfacing during our formative years. And over time, they block us from achieving our full potential. They rob us of joy, confidence, peace, and much more. 

Unless we’re willing to do the hard work of taking back our personal power, these barriers will operate as a weight around our necks. They’ll hold us back from driving true change.

For today, I’d like to spotlight six barriers that show up most often when you are not standing fully in your personal power. See if you can spot any that sound familiar. 

#1 - I don’t talk nice to myself. I allow the inner critic judges me every minute of every day. As a result, I feel a deep sense of guilt. My work is never good enough. I’m anxious and depressed.

#2 - I’m a people pleaser. I put the needs and wants of others before my own. As a result, I commit to unreasonable timelines. I work until anger and resentment take over. I compromise my values and the quality of my work.

#3 - I have a hard time saying “no.” I lack the boundaries to take care of myself. As a result, I take on more work than I can handle. I deprioritize personal commitments. I feel stretched thin at all times. 

#4 - I must stay busy. I’ve tied my feeling of safety to my output. As a result, I always have to do more and more. I’m never satisfied; never at peace. I have nothing left to give to family and friends.

#5 - I don’t ask for help. I shutter at the thought of appearing weak. As a result, I take on more than I can possibly do. I micromanage, shuttering the trust in my team. I feel imposter syndrome and the demand to always have an answer. 

#6 - I’m responsible for others. I shoulder the burdens of those around me. As a result, I overgive of time and resources. I feel exhausted and resentful. I disempower those around me. 

Are you (unintentionally) disempowering others?

There’s one other cost. 

A cost so hidden, it took me an entire career to discover it. And sadly, it’s a cost that robs many international development and social change leaders of the impact they passionately pursue. It’s the cost of disempowering those you’re most trying to help. 

Driven by a need to help others, many of us throw ourselves head-first into the communities we support. We share. We listen. We instruct. And we do this with the best of intentions.

But if we’re not dealing with mindset barriers. If we’re not carving out time for true healing, reflection, and moments of recharge. We may miss the mark. 

Here’s how: 

Show versus tell. For one, we may be sending conflicting messages. The words we share with those around us are focused on empowerment. But if we aren’t empowered ourselves, we’re sending a second message. An unspoken one. We’re showing our true internal condition. 

Do versus create space for others. At the same time, we may be using too strong a hand. We may be doing things for communities instead of creating space for them to lead. We want so badly to make a difference that we reach for the immediate impact and lose the long-game in the process.

Give from a cup that’s full–here’s how

Self care. Overcoming mental barriers. Delivering greater impact. This all sounds great, but how do you put it into action? 

To wrap up, I’d like to offer three simple steps you can take to start towards personal power. 

1 - Live Into Your Values

The first step toward personal power is naming your values. 

Values drive us. They are the fuel to our engines. So, if you’re going to embark on a journey of self care and discovery, you have to know what you’re working for. 

Fortunately author Brené Brown has a helpful exercise. She’s put together Living Into Our Values, a three-page document that can help you identify internal drivers. 

• Does this define me?

• Is this who I am at my best?

• Is this a filter that I use to make hard decisions?

Walking through these questions can help set you on a path to personal empowerment.

Access Living Into Our Values here.

2 - Breath work and connecting to your body

Working with the body using the breath, when we are often stuck in our head, can be highly effective. Take a moment to close your eyes and notice where you feel your personal power in your body. Allow yourself just to notice it and take a few deep breaths. Can you expand it so that it takes up all the space in your body or does it get stuck in one place? If it feels stuck, notice what might be getting in the way and continue to breathe until you notice a shift. Try this for 5 minutes each day and see what you notice over time.

3 - Coaching

Sometimes an outside perspective helps. 

When working to overcome mental barriers, one of the most significant challenges is viewpoint. Seeing yourself for who you truly are. 

To aid in this process, many people seek out coaching. A valuable coach will help you identify barriers preventing you from taking better care of yourself and build a plan to overcome them. They’ll offer practical tips and valuable insights that help accelerate your progress. And they serve as a powerful advocate for taking care of you. 

If any of this resonates for you and you want to explore it further reach out and let’s talk more.