How to Overcome Self-Doubt
Our society is experiencing a plague of self-doubt.
COVID launched a wave of decisions that had to be made. More and more every day. And with the pandemic surging, even the tiniest decision felt like life-or-death.
Now, the pandemic has subsided but the decisions haven’t gone away. There’s a war in Ukraine. Rising inflation. Concerns over the economy.
And the decisions keep piling up.
Here’s the thing.
If you are starting from a place of self-confidence and resourcefulness, making decisions (even hard ones) is doable. But when you layer in the past trauma and social fears many of us experience, paralysis can start to set in.
Self-doubt takes over. And then decisions start to pile up. They stack on top of one another until we feel swallowed by the weight of life.
Some people crumble under the pressure. Others reach for unhealthy coping mechanisms and try to disconnect or numb. It’s no surprise, then, that we’re seeing rates of substance abuse climb alongside cases of depression and anxiety.
The truth is: there’s little we can do to control external circumstances.
But we can control how we respond to them.
The analytical approach
Many of us were taught to approach decisions with our brains, not emotions. To shift into analytical problem-solver mode in the face of tough choices.
Go up into your head and rationalize
Weigh the pros and cons
Cast your feelings aside
The promise of all this rationality is that, eventually, the truth will become evident. Poof! We’ll know what to do and why.
But how often does that happen?
What happens, in reality, is we try the analytical approach. Then the ticking clock of decisions puts pressure on us. We struggle for direction.
And at that moment, self-doubt takes over. It traps us with “what if?” questions and worst-case scenarios. It strips away our ability to make proactive decisions.
What’s happening?
The inner mind
There’s nothing wrong with the analytical approach, per se.
But it doesn’t capture the full picture. You see, the part of the equation it ignores–the internal voice of emotion and intuition–is powerful. And it’s often the key to unlocking a path forward.
If you’ve read my work on How the Mind Works, you know the mind was developed, first and foremost, for safety. Safety from immediate surroundings. Safety from animals and weather. And, importantly, safety from being cast out of the pack.
Our Sympathetic nervous system is responsible for fight or flight responses. And in a modern world, surrounded by perceived social threats, it’s always on alert.
When a major decision appears, our nervous system senses a threat. A fear that making the wrong choice could leave us out in the cold. Hungry and alone, dead.
In reality, that’s not going to happen. But our minds don’t know the difference. And when you bombard the nervous system with threats, big and small, it goes into overdrive.
Self-doubt takes over.
Truth telling
Shawn A. Ginwright, PhD wrote the powerful book, The Four Pivots, Reimagining Justice, Reimagining Ourselves.
In it, he looks at the inner voice that guides much of our decision-making. And he challenges readers to dig deep into what they’re most afraid of.
Here’s how he puts it:
“What is the truth about myself that I have been avoiding? Pondering this question gets the ball rolling on our ability to practice truth telling with ourselves.”
You see, when we rely on the analytical approach to guide us, we miss the hidden truths buried within our minds. Truths that tell us so much.
Who am I?
What do I stand for?
What do I value?
What do I really want?
Sadly, our society doesn’t value the stillness needed to explore these questions. Sitting and dwelling is not part of the decision-making process.
We have to create a list. Talk to friends or mentors. Rush around trying to figure out what to do.
Instead, we need to look inside.
That’s where the answers are.
A simple exercise
One of my favorite exercises is called “Facts Versus Fake News.” I walk many of my clients through this exercise to gain clarity.
The goal is simple: to catalog thoughts as they appear. And then to assess whether the thoughts are grounded in reality (aka facts) or whether they’re grounded in stories we tell ourselves (aka fake news).
Here’s how it works:
The results of this exercise can be enlightening.
What you’re likely to uncover are places where your inner truth clashes with reality. Places where you are telling yourself stories of self-doubt.
These limiting beliefs are holding you back. And, until you address them, you’ll continue to struggle making decisions.
The good news? Mindset training can help.
Want to Learn More About Overcoming Self-Doubt?
At Resources Reimagined, I’m committed to the belief that every person has the capacity for an amazing life. And that sharing our gifts with others is a beautiful calling. But often, to reach our highest heights, we first have to reshape how we view the mountain.
That’s where mindset training comes in.
I hope you’ll join me on this journey.